


Mutations

by LittleHeartGrenade (fledglingheart)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Cancer, Choose Your Own Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Happy Ending, Multiple Endings, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2018-12-23 02:06:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11979828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fledglingheart/pseuds/LittleHeartGrenade
Summary: Something is wrong with Sam. He's getting thinner, throwing up a lot and struggling on hunts. Castiel has been acting strangely too, disappearing with Sam at regular intervals. In true Winchester fashion the boys haven't talked about it, but sometimes things have to change.Warning, cancer is mentioned frequently.





	1. Discovery

Dean was scared. More than that, since Castiel had been acting secretive he’d become terrified. Something was happening to his brother and he felt powerless to stop it. Sam had been disappearing in the middle of the day with Castiel, pretending they’d be researching in some library that isn’t close enough to drive to, but when they kept coming back with no new information it only made him more suspicious. That wasn’t the scary part for Dean, the scary thing was no matter how much he fed Sam his brother was only getting thinner – throwing up when he thought Dean couldn’t hear him – and his performance during their last hunt was downright life threatening for both of them. Dean wanted to confront his brother but he had no idea how to do it without causing a fight.

Sam was walking out of the bathroom after having thrown up, expecting to be alone. He had blood on his lips and the sleeve of his hoodie but he just wanted to lie down and sleep for a month. When he saw Dean staring at him he hurriedly wiped his mouth on his sleeve and tried to think of a lie. "I guess that smoothie wasn't still good to drink after all?"

“Sam… we don’t have any smoothies. You asked me to go get some from the store. Remember that?” Dean stepped closer to his brother. “Sammy what’s going on? Are you in trouble? Has Cas been doing something to you? You can tell me anything.”

“Dude, stop,” Sam pulled away from him. “Don’t do the whole love and care thing, it’s not you. Besides, nothing is happening. I’m fine. When Castiel comes back will you tell him I need to talk to him? It’s urgent.”

“Sure, right after you tell me what the hell is going on Sam!” Dean snapped, shoving Sam up against the wall. Sam cried out in pain and pushed Dean back, holding himself like the force had left lasting pain. Dean pulled up Sam’s jumper and almost threw up himself. “What the fuck Sam? The last time I saw you shirtless you had a six pack. When did you lose enough weight to see your ribs?”

“It’s not that bad. I’m not skin and bones, you can only just see them. Jeez Dean,” Sam brushed his hands away. “I’m gonna have a nap, will you just call Castiel please?” He walked to his bedroom and made to shut the door, but Dean stepped in the way.

“Sam if you don’t tell me what’s wrong then I’ll knock your ass out cold and take you to the hospital.” Dean threatened. “I found that stuff on funerals and bereavement in your bedroom.”

“You were looking through my stuff? Dean, what gives you the right?” Sam folded his arms, bitch face in place.

“I’m your big brother. That gives me the right. Now if one of your buddies is dying Sam then I’m sorry but hurting yourself is not the answer! I’m here, talk to me if you need to.”

“I’m dying Dean, okay? I’m dying. Your baby brother is killing himself. Are you happy now?” Sam snapped, his frustration getting the better of him. He saw Dean’s stricken look and regretted it instantly, “Dean…”

“What do you mean you’re dying?” Dean couldn’t accept that – he wouldn’t. Sam couldn’t die, not yet. He had to get old and grey and have twenty grandkids first. “And how are you killing yourself? Sam we can get you help, I-I’ll pay for a psychiatrist and we’ll get you some professional help. There’s got to be one for hunters somewhere.”

“Stop,” Sam hugged his brother, stroking his back gently. “A psychiatrist won’t cure cancer Dean, and no hospital in the world could save me now.” Sometimes he forgot how much of Dean’s existence was keeping Sam safe; he supposed this was Dean’s idea of hell – something out of their control destroying his Sammy from the inside out.

“C-cancer? Sammy, please, no. Castiel has to be able to cure that. He has to… there has to be some witch cure somewhere.” Dean wanted to cry, watching Sam move over to the bed and imaging a day when he’d be alone in their underground sanctuary.

Sam got into bed and left the duvet pulled back, subtly inviting Dean to join him. “I’m getting some rest Dean. I’ll explain everything when Castiel gets here. I promise.” It wasn’t fair to Dean but Sam was exhausted and in too much pain to deal with fate.

“You’re wrong,” Dean got in the bed with Sam, holding him close. “I am the love and care type when you’re sick Sammy. Please say you’re lying. Please Sam, tell me this is a sick joke. Tell me you’re not gonna die. Tell me I’m having a nightmare. Tell me I’m in hell. Anything that means you’re gonna be okay.” He wished he could take the cancer for Sam instead. His beautiful little brother didn’t deserve to suffer like this.

“I’m sorry Dean.” Dean buried his face in Sam’s hair, letting silent tears dampen the locks, as he prayed in his mind for Castiel to come quickly.


	2. Education

Castiel came quickly, knowing how much pain Sam would be experiencing, and as a result Sam woke up feeling blissfully healthy. It wouldn’t last long but it was an appreciated reprieve. As he sat up with ease, Sam noticed Dean sat next to him on the bed looking as pained as he had when Sam had gone to sleep. “I guess we owe you some answers then?”

Dean nodded, “Damn right you owe me some answers. But breakfast first. A well fed Sam stays healthier for longer, right?” He was going to do everything he could to stop his Sammy dying. Even sell his soul again if he had to, though he imagined Sam and Castiel would kill him if he did. He walked to the kitchen, towing Sam along carefully, needing to see him safe.

Sam wished it was that simple. He sat down at the table, beside Castiel, with a cup of coffee in hand. Both of them knowing things were going to be difficult. “Thanks for sticking around Cass, I appreciate it,” Sam whispered, not sure how he would explain it to Dean if he had to do it alone.

Castiel nodded, “Of course Sam. I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner to heal you – if I could I would be by your side every day to fix things.”

“I know. You’re a good brother Castiel,” Sam had taken to calling Castiel family recently. His impending death had made him do a lot of things differently. He could barely remember the last argument he’d willingly had with Dean. Nobody really spoke much until Dean set two plates of eggs, bacon, sausage and fried bread on the table.

“Eat.” Dean demanded, going to the fridge and coming back with a carton of juice and two glasses. “And drink. Be healthy. Please.” He sat down opposite Sam, “Castiel has healed you now, right? So that means no more cancer? Why didn’t he heal you sooner?” Dean glared at Castiel, like it was his fault that Sam had been so sick.

“He did Dean, but the cancer keeps coming back. It’s… well Castiel can explain it.” Sam sighed, starting to eat. He wanted to savour his food before the unending taste of blood and vomit returned. Dean looked expectantly at Castiel, for once keeping his mouth shut.

“Sam’s body has been through a lot in its time. He has been possessed by a demon and Lucifer, he has drank demon blood, he has spent time in Hell, he has had his organs removed and returned to him, he has been inflicted by witches and that is just to name a few of the them.” Castiel began.

“So? I’ve been to Hell, I don’t have cancer.” Dean argued. He didn’t understand the need for the painful reminder of Sam’s worse experiences.

“Sam’s body has been through a lot,” Castiel repeated sternly, “And as a result the cells in his body are mutating in the same way a human who has been overexposed to radiation may find their cells mutating to form cancer. Sam’s ‘cancer’ is throughout his entire body, meaning no human doctor would be able to save him. And it is persistent, more persistent than a Winchester, in that no matter how many times I heal him, the mutation starts again and the cancer returns. Usually within a couple of days.”

Dean tried to process that information, his hopes that Sam would be okay being devastatingly crushed, “Then why aren’t you here all day, why are you letting Sam get as bad as he was last night? Why is Sam losing weight and-” He turned on Sam, pointing his finger at him like he was still a child, “And you are banned from going on anymore hunts. I’m not risking you dropping dead.”

Sam sighed, “Dean I’ll be fine. And Castiel can’t stay around all the time – he’s busy trying to find a cure.” Their research hadn’t just been ‘Cure Sam’ sessions, the pair had been looking into spells and charms that had all failed. Supernatural cancer was apparently just a little harder to kill.

“Then that’s our case. From now on we just look for ways to make you better. Or keep you alive.” Dean insisted. Sam didn’t want that, but he didn’t argue. He knew his days were numbered at best and he really just wanted to spend the last of his life spending time with his brother and being happy.

“I can look Dean,” Castiel spoke for him, knowing exactly what Sam wanted thanks to their hours of discussion on what to do after Sam did eventually lose the battle. It was already agreed that Castiel would stay with Dean and try to keep him safe, alive and somewhat happy. It would be difficult, both of them being in mourning, but it was Sam’s wish for Dean to be taken care of and Castiel was going to keep his promise. He owed the brothers that much.

“Why didn’t you tell me Sammy?” Dean’s voice was small, almost tentative, “Why didn’t you tell me you’re sick?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you Dean,” Sam reached across the table to entwine their fingers, rubbing his thumb over the back of Dean’s hand. “This is hard enough for me and Castiel, and I didn’t want you to be suffering with me.”

“What am I gonna do without you?” Dean wanted to cry again but he wouldn’t let himself – he would be strong for Sam.

“You hunt, or you settle down, but you carry on. And when you’re old and grey and you join me in Heaven, I’ll welcome you with open arms. Soulmates, remember?” Sam tried to comfort him.

Castiel joined in, “And I will personally carry your souls to Heaven to be sure you go where you belong. But not until your time comes.”

Dean shook his head, “But you’re my baby brother.”

Sam got up, moving around the table to pull Dean up into a hug, “I know. And I’m sorry, but this time big brother can’t protect me.” Dean tightened his arms around Sam as much as he dared, afraid to hurt him again, as the crushing weight of those words cause his chest to ache. He’d find a way. He had to.


	3. Complication

“Start writing,” Dean handed Sam a blank notebook and a pen. After breakfast Dean had disappeared, leaving Sam to sit with a book in the library, music playing softly in the background for a peaceful atmosphere.

“Writing?” Sam took the book and opened it to the first page, not sure what he was supposed to do.

“Yeah, write out your bucket list. Everything you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t had a chance to. We’re going to make it happen,” Dean promised. “Please Sam, write down everything. Even the impossible stuff.” Sam could see how much this meant to Dean and, while he wanted to relax in his last days, he appreciated what his brother was doing for him. He spent a couple of hours writing down everything he wished for while Dean watched, occasionally googling things on his phone to see if they were doable.

When the list was done, Dean looked through every item and organised them into chunks. Another half hour later he looked up at Sam, “Go get dressed then. Busy day ahead of us.” Sam shook his head with a smile and did as he was told. If this was what Dean needed, he would be more than happy to give it to him for as long as he could. “And pack a bag!” Dean’s voice carried down the hall.

Their first destination was about a day away, so Castiel was more than willing to use his talents to get them there a little more instantly before departing, letting the brothers just be brothers for a while. It had been prearranged with Dean that Cass would deliver the Impala by the morning so that Dean could continue Sam’s bucket list a little more naturally.

“I can’t believe you’re actually going to spend the night here with me,” Sam grinned when he saw the sign for the guest house. It was no secret Sam had wanted to stay here since he was a teenager.

“Better believe it, a day in the town to fulfil some of this other stuff, then a night at the Lizzie Borden house. You freak,” Dean teased him. Ordinarily he’d shove him but he didn’t want to cause damage. “Let’s check in.”

Dean was true to his word over the following week, Sam doing almost everything on his list from ridiculous tourist traps to Universal Studios. It was there that Sam started to get the early warning stomach aches. Dean noticed Sam wasn’t touching his themed pancakes, “What, too shy to eat the food?”

Sam smiled sadly at him, “You really have no idea do you?” It was refreshing that Dean could keep some innocence, though it couldn’t last.

“I… I was so busy trying to keep you happy that I haven’t really looked into what to do with cancer patients,” Dean admitted, feeling like a jackass. Sam stood up and hugged him. “I’m a shitty brother sometimes, I know.”

“You’re definitely not. This week has honestly been the best of my life. I’d rather be having fun with you than watching you learn about things you can’t help.” Sam stroked his back, trying his best to be Dean’s rock.

Dean nodded, “I’m glad you’re happy Sam. But I need to know. Even if I can’t stop it – which I will – I can help you with it at least.” Sam loved his brother, even more for the support he was giving even as he was breaking inside. “But right now, you wanted to see this place so let’s get to it. We can go back to the Bunker tomorrow.”

In truth Dean had been so busy looking for supernatural cures that he had completely forgotten he was supposed to be researching Sam’s illness. Every time a witch turned him down or a source turned out to be useless his hope died a little more while his suicidal determination grew stronger.

A few days passed, Sam supporting Dean and trying to explain everything that was happening to him as he deteriorated slowly. Of course between Sam’s efforts Dean continued to cram in all the activities they’d never been able to do – theme parks and nature walks and safari parks. Sam even got to hold a tiger cub.

But they were Winchesters so their happiness couldn’t last. Inevitably there came the first sign of trouble in the form of Sam spending all day in bed, Dean as his bedside with a bucket he was forced to empty regularly. “Dean, you don’t have to watch this.” Sam could see the pain it was causing Dean. His brother didn’t deserve this.

Dean’s thoughts were similar. Sam didn’t deserve to suffer in the way he was after everything he’d sacrificed for the greater good – he deserved the perfect life he’d dreamt of back in high school. “I do Sammy. I’m your big brother. It’s my job to hold your girly hair when you throw up and drag the TV in here and tease you about your smelly breath. Hell, I’ll help you to the bathroom if you need it.”

Sam felt his heart simultaneously warm and break, glad his brother loved him so much but afraid of what would happen when he was gone. It was all he could think of anymore. Things only got worse over the next few days, vomit became blood, Sam’s appetite disappeared and the pain got so bad Dean stole morphine from the nearest hospital just to help him sleep at night.

Dean looked down at Sam, sleeping on his side in case he was sick and pumped full of drugs to dull the pain. He looked terrible. What used to take months had turned into weeks and now apparently days. It was probably only a matter of time before it became hours. Dean sighed and knelt at the foot of the bed, bringing his hands together and closing his eyes. “Castiel, I don’t know why you won’t answer your phone; I don’t know why you’re ignoring my prayers. I don’t care. Please Cass… he’s my little brother. Please. Sam is going to die soon, I know it, if you don’t show I-” He wiped his eyes to stop his tears. It felt like all he ever did at night was cry now. “Castiel if you don’t get your ass down here and save my brother I swear I will kill you and then I will follow him into the afterlife.” He waited. And waited.

But Castiel never came. 


	4. Compromise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Neutral Ending

Two days passed before Dean heard anything from Castiel. He was hosing out Sam’s sick bucket, listening to Sam’s every breath through his phone – he’d called himself on Sam’s phone and left it on speaker to be able to monitor him – and cursing his angel’s name. The line went dead when Sam ran out of credit. “I shoulda topped that thing up when we went on the food run,” he sighed.

Although, what Dean had assumed was Sam’s phone dying was really Castiel hanging up. “Sam,” he shook Sam gently to wake him. “Sam, I heard your prayers. You want me to heal you again?”

“Times getting shorter,” Sam groaned. “I know I should be ready to die, but I don’t think I am. Dean’s not ready to let me go. This is breaking him apart.”

“I know,” Castiel laid his hand on Sam’s forehead and healed what he could. Sam got out of the bed and cleaned himself up with the damp cloth Dean had left. “I can’t find anything Sam, I’ve searched _everywhere_. I am failing you.”

“It’s not your fault,” Sam promised, giving Castiel the best smile he could. Dean came back, grinning when he saw Sam on his feet again. “What, you thought he was gonna abandon me like this?” Sam joked, grunting at the bone crushing hug Dean sprung on him.

“I thought that was gonna be it. Thought I was gonna lose you,” Dean buried his face in Sam’s neck. “I can’t keep doing this Sammy. Please tell me you’ve found a cure Cass.”

Castiel shook his head, “No cure. But, I do have a solution. It’s not perfect, but Sam won’t die until both of you are ready this way.”

“What are you going to do?” The brothers separated to face Castiel.

“I’m going to stay. I’m not leaving anymore. I’ll move in with you and heal Sam and watch over you both until the day that you die.” Castiel vowed. If he was failing in his mission to find a cure, he would take up a new mission to reach the same goal. Keep Sam alive long enough to live a full life.

“Like a roomie-guardian angel,” Dean laughed, “That works for me. What do you think Sammy?”

“If that’s all we can do, perfect. It’ll be good to have you around, and it means Dean can go back to hunting. We both can if you’ll let me.” Sam turned, intending to go brush his teeth, but Dean’s answer froze him in his tracks.

“No. No more hunting. We’re out.” Dean saw the shocked looks of his family, “I mean it. No hunting. We’re not even staying in the Bunker. Other hunters can have this place. Claire wants to be a hunter right? We’ll pass it on to her and Jody. Get ourselves a house somewhere sunny where I can get a job and trench-coat over there can watch the bees.”

“Dean you can’t be serious. Hunting is your life. You can’t walk away from that,” Sam argued. Dean had been given chances to turn his back on the life before but it had never worked out.

“No Sam, you are my life. I’ve been taking care of you since I was four years old and I am not about to stop now. You’re my little brother, hell you’re practically my own kid, and it’s about damn time I started putting you in front of every damn monster in America.” Dean shook his head, “We’ve fought this fight so long. I’m tired Sam. You’re sick. It’s time to retire before it kills us both.”

“You’re scared,” Sam realised. “You’re scared that the next hunt is going to be my last.”

“Yeah, I am. And I mean it when I say I’m tired. I don’t want to do this forever. Your bucket list was the most fun I’ve had since we were kids, despite everything you were going through.”

“Okay Dean. We’ll put the word out that the Winchesters aren’t hunting anymore. Find a nice house, get some new ids. Settle down.” Sam agreed. Dean had made a lot of sacrifices for him; he could do this for Dean.

Dean nodded and let Sam leave, setting himself down on the bed. “So you’re sticking around for good then?”

Castiel sat beside him, “So you’re giving up hunting for good then?”

Dean laughed. “It’ll be boring. A nine to five, tending a garden, watching Sam do whatever he’s gonna do. Sure as shit not working,” he warned.

“Somehow, after these past few years, that sounds perfect,” Castiel patted Dean’s back. “Hey, you never know. Maybe Sam will meet a girl.”

“Yeah, I would be so lucky. Can you imagine if we had kids? Rugrats running all over the place,” Dean shook his head.

“There’s nothing that would make you happier than a family,” Castiel reminded him.

“I have a family. You, Sam, you’re my family. I’m gonna be lookin’ after you for a long ass time… hey, we better start house hunting.” He grabbed Sam’s laptop, “And you better think of a new name. You really want Castiel on your social security card?”

“And what are you going to be? I can’t imagine you as anything but Dean Samuel Winchester.” Castiel looked over his shoulder, “You should pick somewhere that isn’t likely to be hit by a natural disaster. I can’t protect you from everything.”

“You give it a damn good try though,” Sam re-joined them, stripping off behind them so he could put on something clean. It didn’t bother him – it wasn’t like they hadn’t seen each other naked before. It tended to happen when you lived in each other’s pockets.

“We all do,” Dean found a nice looking place. “How much money do you think we can steal?”

It took two months. Moving; communicating; new identities – it took time to create a new life and leave the old one behind, but they managed it. And of course there was the fact that every few days Sam had to have a sick day. It was one of those days when they finally got settled in their new home. Castiel was in the basement working on warding the grounds and plans for the panic room, while Dean carved wardings into the door frame. Sam had been trying to put the decorations up in his room when a wave of nausea hit him. “Dean… Dean!”

Dean looked up from his carvings, “Sammy?” He got to the stairs as Sam collapsed on the landing, running up to catch him as he started to fall down the stairs. “Castiel!” Dean picked up his brother, carrying him up to bed. Castiel joined them immediately, healing Sam.

It was a sobering reminder that despite their new apple pie life, they were only there because Sam was sick. “Dean, I will finish in the basement. You should stay with your brother. The doors and windows can wait until he is awake.”

Dean nodded, barely registering his words, holding Sam’s hand. When Sam woke up he squeezed Dean’s hand, giving him a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t Sammy, it’s okay. We just have to be more careful with this thing,” Dean got up, “You strong enough to hang out with me while I do some artwork? There’s a piece of wood I haven’t finished tormenting yet.”

Sam laughed and nodded, sitting up. “I’ll be down in a minute. I just wanna… yeah.”

“Be careful on those stairs,” Dean left the room, keeping an ear out for Sam. He didn’t go further than half way down the stairs until he heard his brother coming, needing to make sure he wasn’t going to hurt himself.

It was a tough road, one they all knew was bound for heart ache and fear, but each of them intended to start their new life as brothers with optimism and make the most of what they had. They managed it too. Dean met a nice girl and they dated for a few years, had a child together, separated but stayed good friends. Sam became an author, using his books to tell the truth about monsters (it was more successful than Carver Edlund had been and that made him proud – especially when his books began to be used in universities) and Castiel had found himself content to sit at Sam’s side. The two could talk for hours and hours, and never grew bored.

In the end, it was Dean who passed away first. An old man, his heart stopped beating one day while he watched Every Which Way but Loose. Sam had been in the armchair beside him, reading a Latin novel Castiel had discovered for him, when it happened. One moment Dean was chuckling at Clyde, and the next he was gone.

It broke their hearts to burn Dean’s body, but it was for the best. “Castiel,” Sam spoke softly, holding Dean’s urn to his chest with one hand and Castiel’s hand with the other, Dean’s daughter and ex stood off to the side out of ear shot. “I’m ready. Next time the sickness comes, let me die.”

“As you wish,” The greatest part of being a Winchester, Castiel thought as he watched the ashes of his brother fly out into the open air, was having family. A family that would always be there for you with open arms no matter your mistakes; and a family that would do anything for you, regardless of circumstance, if only you asked.


	5. Salvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the happy ending. Enjoy :)

When Sam woke up he was torn between the need to throw up and a pain in his joints that made it agony to move around. Castiel was at his bedside holding a bucket, having dealt with this enough to be able to predict when Sam needed help. He was grateful for Dean’s hands holding his hair back as he threw up into the bucket, finding selfish comfort in having his brother there despite knowing how much it would be breaking Dean’s heart.

Dean helped Sam lay back again after he was done throwing up, “Alright, he’s awake. Now fix him.” Castiel nodded at Dean’s demand and began healing what he could for Sam, upon a subtle indication from his friend. He had refrained from doing it while Sam was sleeping because Sam always wanted the choice. He had made clear to Castiel that soon he would be ready to let the sickness take him.

“Hey… I want pancakes,” Sam half smiled at the two men hanging over him like mother hens. He didn’t understand that phrase. Surely a wolf or a mother bear or even a mother monkey – he remembered something about orangutans on a documentary what felt like a century ago.

“I can make pancakes,” Dean smiled. “Why don’t you get cleaned up and changed while I make you all the pancakes you can eat?”

“Sounds great, I’ll- yeah.” Sam rubbed his head, “You caught me off guard. Can I have a minute with Castiel?”

“Sure, whatever you need kid,” Dean nodded. He paused at the door, taking a moment to stare at Sam, trying to convince himself that he’d be okay long enough for him to make a freaking breakfast. Sam’s encouraging smile did nothing to ease his worries, but he retreated to the kitchen regardless to distract himself with cooking.

Castiel allowed Sam to get up and gather some clean clothes, “You wanted to speak with me privately?”

“Yeah,” Sam took a deep breath. “I was going to ask you to let me die if you haven’t found anything yet. I’m tired of the pain, and besides, it’s only prolonging Dean’s suffering and your frustration. I’m ready to let go next time it takes me.” He couldn’t look Castiel in the eye. It wasn’t that he wanted to die, or that he was ready to – it was that he couldn’t bear another night of Dean crying or having to see the expression on Castiel’s face when he admitted he still hadn’t found a cure. It was so much more painful than dying.

The angel gripped Sam’s arm tightly, “You can’t mean that. Sam, you have to keep fighting for your life. Regardless of if I have a cure or not. After you have eaten I have news for you and your brother. I’ll wait for you in the kitchen with Dean.” He seemed to contemplate for a few seconds before pulling Sam into a hug, wanting to comfort him.

Keeping his word to fill Sam, Dean made enough pancakes to feed a small family. Sam barely managed half the pile, prompting Castiel to pick up a fork. “What did you want to talk to us about, Cass?”

“I have a solution to Sam’s problem,” Castiel pushed the pancake around his plate. “You may not like it entirely, but it is all I can do without tracking down God or bargaining with Lucifer and Michael.”

“What exactly are you suggesting?” Dean was suspicious, “Cass, this isn’t going to be some demon deal or self-sacrifice bullshit is it?”

“Something similar, yes – I want you to let me possess you Sam,” Castiel’s tone and expression left no room for doubt.

“I thought supernatural interference got me into this mess,” Sam pointed out. “Wouldn’t you jumping in make it worse?”

“Ideally I would remove your soul first, but that would create an even larger issue. I want to possess you permanently Sam. You would likely rarely hear from me, and certainly never see me again.”

“No, not happening. I am not losing you both if this goes south,” Dean insisted. “What you’re suggesting is insane.” He got up from the table, needing to grab a beer from the fridge if he was going to have this conversation. Or break out the strong whiskey.

“I know, but I’m out of choices. The best person to help Sam now is Lucifer, and we can’t risk setting him free.” Castiel argued. “At least if I possess Sam, I can fix the mutations as they occur.”

“Wait, you said the best person to help me was Lucifer. Not that I’m considering it, but how could Lucifer possibly help me?” Sam took the beer Dean offered him, eyes on the angel beside him, “Thanks.”

“Lucifer is an archangel, thus he has the power to create a vessel, to destroy one and to rebuild or alter one – to an extent even beyond the powers of a standard angel. In theory, he could take you apart and rebuild you in moments, virtually painlessly, and remove any chance of mutations.”

“How long have you had that bit of information?” Dean’s voice was hardened, despite his thoughtful expression.

“Too long; I didn’t want it to be a possibility that Sam would have to consider given who Lucifer is and what he’s capable of.” Cass explained himself.

“I suppose those are my only two options,” Sam spoke up. “I doubt either of you would let me just die?”

“Not happening. We make a deal with Lucifer. He saves you, he gets something in return. Castiel can check his work and we wait a couple weeks to make sure it’s done right.”

“Dean, this is Lucifer we’re taking about. I can’t just-”

“Damnit Sam, I’m not losing you to this unfair bullshit!” Dean snapped. He calmed himself down quickly, “Sammy, if the options are losing you or making a deal with the devil, then sign me up for hell because it ain’t even a choice in my mind.”

“Are you absolutely positive about this?” Castiel looked between the brothers, “I am willing to make the sacrifice to protect Sam if needs be.”

“I know. It’s part of what makes you our brother Cass,” Sam patted his shoulder. “Looks like we’re going back to hell.”

Lucifer stepped in front of the brothers, “Really? You would rather put all your faith in me? You really are insane for each other. Reminds me of someone I used to know. That tells me why you wanted to come here. What about how you got here?”

“How do you think?” Dean snapped, arm around Sam’s waist to keep him steady. The first thing Lucifer had demanded of them when they asked for his help was an explanation. Seeing Lucifer wasn’t going to budge, he continued the tale.

They hadn’t been able to go straight to Crowley; first they needed a way to talk to Lucifer and strike a deal without opening the Cage or setting the two archangels free on the world. In the time it took them to locate the ritual they needed, Sam had started to take a turn again. It added an air of urgency to the situation, meaning before they could test or cross check the ritual the Winchesters were in Hell’s throne room informing Crowley that they needed access to Satan.

“You three are bloody insane!” Crowley barked. “Winchesters! I’ll be glad the day I’m rid of you!” The demon could see Sam was on the pale and skinny side, nothing like the moose he’d been dubbed years before. “And there’s nothing else that’ll save Moose?”

Castiel shook his head, “We have exhausted all other possibilities. Lucifer is our only option if we want Sam to survive.”

“I could be rid of the lot of you right now if I let him die,” Crowley threatened. He stepped back when Sam doubled over and threw up on the floor.

“’m sorry Dean,” he groaned, leaning further into his brother, “Couldn’t hold it.”

“It’s okay Sammy,” Dean promised, rubbing his back. “We’ll fix this, just hang on. You can beat this thing just a little longer.” Castiel reached over and gave Sam a boost of healing – not as powerful as he would have liked but enough to stop him dropping.

“ _If_ we do this,” Crowley couldn’t believe what he was doing but he’d stupidly gotten attached to the damned hunters and he didn’t want to see Sam struck down unless he was the one doing the killing. “Lucifer does not get freed from his Cage. Do you understand me? I am not letting God’s reject get the chance to smite me.”

“Careful Crowley, Lucifer _is_ still my brother,” Castiel warned, more offended by the idea that angels who turned away from Heaven were God’s rejects. He didn’t want to be a reject.

“Aw, little Castiel stood up for me?” Lucifer interrupted, “Makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.” He watched his would-be vessel swaying slightly, wondering how long it would be before the kid just dropped.

“Can you just lay your damn hands on already? Get healing!” Dean snapped, arm around Sam’s waist to keep him steady.

“Hand him over. I need a special item if you want me to fix this. I’ll give you a description and you can get it while I’m discussing things with your brother. You’ll probably need to steal it from Heaven.” Lucifer ignored Dean’s protests to pick Sam up, “I missed you bunk-buddy. We’re going to make a deal.”

Sam could feel eyes on his back. He turned to see Dean stood in the doorway, watching over him. It had been three months since they’d visited Lucifer yet Dean still hung on Sam like a mother wolf – he still didn’t understand the mother hen thing. “You’re still scared I’m gonna get sick again, aren’t you?” He put down the book he’d been reading, “Come here Dean.”

Pushing himself from the wall, Dean heaved a deep sigh, “I’m still not sure if we should trust Lucifer. We let him take you apart and put you back together Sammy. I saw him put his hands _inside_ you. And not in the human way! I guess- I’m just scared this’ll come back to bite us in the ass.”

“I haven’t been sick in months Dean. Months. And this time around I don’t feel like my body is dying. I feel better than I have in years.” Sam promised, putting a reassuring hand on his brother’s knee.

“Y’know you still haven’t told me what the deal was,” Dean pointed out. He took his brother’s hand, letting himself be comforted by the fact Sam’s skin wasn’t ice cold anymore. “I’ve almost lost you before. I have lost you before. But this was different. I couldn’t get you back if your body was broken and I couldn’t turn you into a monster. Nothing I could do-” He wiped his tears, shaking his head.

“Hey, it’s okay Dean. I’m here now. You did save me; you took me to Lucifer yourself. You stood by my side even though you knew he could kill us both at any moment. You carried me home yourself and took care of me until I woke up. Before that you gave me the best few weeks of my life.” Sam did his best to reassure him.

“I won’t let you suffer like that again. I’ve half a mind to retire. Move to California and indulge in the highlife for a little while,” Dean huffed. “And you still haven’t told me Sammy. What happened when Lucifer spoke to you alone?”

“I made a deal with him. He saved me and in exchange… In exchange I gave Michael a free ride out of the cage. Not in my body – you know that amulet he said he needed if you wanted me to live?”

“The one you handed over to Castiel as soon as you woke up,” Dean frowned.

“The very same. Castiel took Michael up to Heaven where Lucifer wants him locked in Heaven’s jail. It had something to do with watching his brother descending into madness being more painful than isolation. I remember Lucifer loved Michael, and I imagined what it would be like if I’d had to watch you go insane – literally in Hell. I couldn’t say no.” Sam explained, “A small price to pay, right?” He didn’t mention that the other condition was that he communicated with Lucifer at least once a week so he’d have some connection to the world he’d been excluded from.

“Yeah, as long as Michael doesn’t try to end the world again.”

“He won’t. Heaven’s jail – and Castiel is going to make sure that he can’t get out until he’s seen the error of his ways.”

Dean smirked, “Good ol’ Cass. Sweet, sunny Cali is sounding better and better. I hope you know that.”

“Yeah, until we become movie stars and the feds find our asses alive. Be honest Dean, we got no evil hanging over us, we’re closer than ever before and I’m healthy again. What do you wanna do with life?”

“I don’t know Sammy. The hunting life, it’s in our blood. It’s something I can’t just walk away from. But I don’t wanna do it forever either. I want a life and you being sick made me see that.”

“So, why don’t we have both?” Sam suggested, “One last shot at both ends of the candle?”

“You really think we can make it work this time? Didn’t work for us before.” He was sceptical at best that trying for life wouldn’t end in the misery it always had.

“It’s different this time. We never tried together, and we always came back to each other in the end. This place is incredible Dean, worth a family for sure. Lock up the weapons, do up the upper floors. Get decent jobs and maybe, if we’re lucky, find love. Sure we’ll answer calls and go on hunts, but they don’t have to be more than a state out and only if nobody else is available.”

“Okay. It might not work out exactly like that, and I sure as hell ain’t bringing a family up in this place. But if this has taught me anything, it’s that you and Cass and the rest of our merry band of crazies – our family – come first.”


	6. Goodbye Sammy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the sad ending, and the original ending to this story. It may have been the first ending I chose, but I'll let you decide which ending really happens

This wasn’t how Sam had pictured it. Dying slowly, staring at the Bunker walls while he listened to Dean beside him trying to be strong. It wasn’t how he wanted it. “Dean?” Sam whispered. Another two days had passed and he was weaker that he’d ever been before. “Dean I want to… want to go outside. Wanna see stars.”

Dean wiped his eyes on his sleeve, nodding, “You want stars Sammy, you get stars.” He found a thick blanket to wrap Sam up in before picking him up, almost sobbing at how light his baby was. “Can have all the stars in the world.” He carried Sam up the stairs and outside, finding a nice patch of grass where the thicket thinned out so that Sam could lay in his arms to see the stars. The area was like a miniature field lined with wild flowers and tall trees. Like their own little shield from the outside world.

Sam rested his head on Dean’s chest, eyes searching through the sky. “Dean, I love you.” He whispered, afraid that if he didn’t say it now, he’d never be able to say it again. “I love you so much. You’re my… my Batman. Jerk.”

“Shut up, Bitch. Don’t talk like you’re dying. I love you too,” Dean kissed Sam’s hand and discreetly checked his slowing pulse. _Damn it Castiel, where the hell are you? Sam won’t last much longer. Please._ “I love you little brother. I’m so proud of you, proud of us. You did good kid.”

Sam’s hand pulled out of Dean’s and searched for the amulet around his neck. Dean guided his hand to it, letting Sam hold the amulet and holding Sam’s hand around it. “Thank you Dean… tell me a story.”

“A story? Sure.” Dean knew Sam was getting ready to let go. “I’ll tell you about the brave little puppy who saved the world.” He sniffed and blinked to hold back his tears, doing his best to stay strong.

“Bones…” Sam’s voice was barely audible. In the trees there was a rustle that neither boy paid attention to: an angel, failing his mission, standing by to peer in on the moment that wasn't his to disturb, too afraid to say goodbye to his friend.

“Bones the golden furred puppy,” Dean remembered the dog from Sam’s Heaven. He told Sam a long, wonderful story of how the puppy was born different and never fit in but went on to use his talents to save the word from the evil Kitten Armies. When he finished his story Sam was cold in his arms. With trembling fingers he checked Sam’s wrist. Nothing. Dean let out an inhuman cry of agony – the pain only a devoted parent holding their dead child or a soul mate losing their heaven-planned match could feel. Burying his face in Sam’s hair, he rocked Sam’s body, sobbing until he was numb to the pain and the cold air had made him barely able to feel his fingers or face. He felt lips against his cheek and a hand on his shoulder, but when he looked there was nothing there. “It’ll be okay little brother. You can go to Heaven now.” Even when he was broken on the ground, Dean Winchester would always be strong for Sam.

Castiel finally joined Dean, “I’m sorry Dean. There was nothing I could do.” Sam had known Castiel could find nothing to save him, and so to save his angelic brother the pain of failure, he had asked him to stop searching. He was ready to let go. Castiel and Sam had spoken the night before while Dean slept, saying their goodbyes and their thanks to each other.

“Is he gone? Is Sam in Heaven? Can you check?” Dean kissed the lifeless forehead of his brother.

“I will find out. Will you wait here?” Castiel knew it was going to be impossible to keep his promise to Sam. As much as it hurt him to accept, he knew Dean would struggle to go on without Sam. Dean nodded so Castiel took to the skies, headed towards Heaven to check on Sam’s soul.

Dean stroked Sam’s hair back, “I know you want me to be strong, but you’re gone Sam. How am I supposed to be strong? What am I supposed to do without my pain in the ass little brother to take care of? I got a car and a Bunker and a world to save but none of that matters if I don’t have you. You’re my little brother, hell you may as well be my son Sam. And I ain’t got nothing else. Castiel will visit and Garth might invite me to stay with him for a while, and I love ‘em. But they ain’t… oh Sammy, why? Why you? If I could kill every bastard that ever hurt you right now I would, but it wouldn’t bring you back, would it?”

“Dean?” Castiel offered Dean a handkerchief to wipe away his tears. “Sam is in Heaven. He already is relieving his favourite childhood memories with you.”

Dean took a shuddering breath and got up, picking Sam up. “I want to bury him here. He wanted to see the stars. He can see the stars forever if I bury him here. Right?”

“Yes Dean. He can see the stars until the end of time,” Castiel looked at the almost circular clearing and moved from Dean’s side, collecting a few stones to place at key areas, marking it as a sacred burial site. He helped Dean prepare Sam’s body, cleaning him and dressing him nicely, gathering a few personal items of Sam’s. They carried Sam’s body back to the clearing and dug him a grave. “This grave is big enough for more than one person,” Castiel noted when they were done.

“There ain’t no me if there ain’t no Sam,” Dean whispered, gently lowering his brother into the hole. They hadn’t wrapped his body because Dean thought Sam would find it fitting if he planted something over his grave, something to be given life from Sam’s death.

The angel knew this would be the case, so instead of talking Dean out of it, he made a promise. “I will take good care of your Baby, Dean. I will make sure the Impala drives for many years to come.”

“Thanks Cass,” Dean climbed out of the grave and hugged Castiel tightly. He told Castiel their favourite flowers, his and Sam’s; then knelt down. After preparing Sam for burial, he too had cleaned up, worn his favourite clothes, making sure to wear both the amulet from Sam and ring from his mother. He had even been secretly getting his affairs in order, never planning to survive Sam’s death for long.

Finally, when Castiel and Dean had nothing left to discuss, Dean laid down in Sam’s grave, holding his brother close. His eyes shut tightly as Castiel’s hand reached for his forehead, blissful sleep overcoming him. He barely felt it when Castiel stopped his heart.

The angel buried the brothers and planted floral seeds above their graves, just as Dean had asked. He held his own tears back until he was organising the Bunker, cleaning out the food to give to the homeless and making the required phone calls so the world could know that the Winchesters had fought valiantly and fallen bravely. Nobody asked questions, nobody needed to know why. The hunter community mourned that night with Castiel, and those that had loved the boys mourned even longer.

Dean watched over the grave as Castiel made good on what they’d discussed, smiling when it was done. “Will you take me to Heaven now?” He looked over his shoulder at the reaper who had come for him. Death himself could not pass up guiding the soul of Dean Winchester. Silently the horseman laid a hand on Dean’s arm as the departed closed his eyes. In the next moment warm sun fell on Dean’s face and strong arms wrapped around his body.

“You bastard, I wanted to see you get old and grey. Was gonna tease you about finally going bald,” Sam breathed in Dean’s ear.

Dean breathed in Sam’s smell and returned the hug tighter than he ever had. “How could I stay down there while you were partying up here?”

The two separated from their embrace, smiles as wide as their jaws would allow. Sam was young, maybe 24 at most, muscular with a healthy glow. Dean didn’t know it yet, but his appearance corresponded with Sam’s, about four years older but equally healthy. “Don’t we have a dog in this forever of ours? I want to meet our loyal mutt.” A bark came from beside them, Bones wagging his tail happily. A door opened, Castiel arriving to visit his friends and make sure they were both safe in paradise. He would join them there one day, he was sure of it, but for now it belonged to them. 

Castiel kept true to his promise, riding the Impala and continuing to save people in the fashion of the Winchesters. And when the day came for the old girl to be retired, she made a fitting headstone for two brothers who silently saved the world.


End file.
